Living in Olalla

These tanks were a favorite addition to my wardrobe while nusrsing. If you will be soon be a nursing mom, I highly recommend them.

It has been a little over a week since we returned from our road trip to Idaho to see family.  We had a good time on the Salmon River with Trevor's parents.  Then we ventured to Idaho Falls, Idaho to see my parents.  From there, we visited Yellowstone Park. 

 

Before this trip to Idaho, Trevor and I had been talking about moving.  We had been tenatively swaying that it would happen in a year or two.  Then Trevor found out that his obss was interviewing for another job while we are vacation.  This got him thinking that maybe now is the time that we are supposed to move.  While in Idaho Falls he called about several jobs, looked at property, and heard about other job opportunites that included going back to school.  On the drive home we decided to put the hosue on the market when we returned and see what doors God opens and what doors God closes. 

 

We have had several potential buyers come through, but no offers yet.  Trevor found work through a previous job contact and should have work if or until the house sells.  In the mean time, I am trying to get rid of all the extra, the stuff we don't need to take with us when we move.

 

So we are sort of in limbo, trusting that God will lead us.  We'll keep you posted.

Today I went to a doctor that deals with digestion.  This is the most recent doctor's apt., I've had in my journey to discover what has been going on with my health.  My past visits and procedures include an endoscopy, where they looked at my esophagus, stomach, and the beginning of my small intestine; and another visit to a different digestive doctor (I'm sure they have a more scientific name, but I don't know what it is.), who discussed the results of my previous acid reflux test.  The final prognosis is that I have a hiatal hernia which allows the acid reflux which is causing my trachea stenosys (scar tissue).  To prevent the acid reflux, I can change my diet, eat 3 hours before laying down, and take a pill (Prilosec) twice day.

 

As I've said before, It is good to have some "answers."

 

I've also seen results since my diet change.  I've lost 15 lbs.   Of course I feel better and I like the way my clothes are fitting or not fitting.

 

I thought that I was over my miscarriage, but there are days when emotions get the best of me. 

 

Through all of this I have been looking to God for direction, strength, and support.  He has proven Himself faithful again and again.  Here are some verses that have really encouraged and directed me at this time.

 

Matt 7:7-11

7 "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. 8 For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.

9 "Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? 10 Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? 11 If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!
NIV

Phil 4:6-7
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
NIV

 

Rom 12:2-3
Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is-His good, pleasing and perfect will.

3 For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you.
NIV

 

I see life as a journey.  I don't have the answers or the map.  God does.  He is my guide and I need to look to Him and trust Him.  When I do this the journey may not be easier, but at least I know that I am following my God and not the lost world.

 

Do you ever find that you are hung up on yourself?  I have really been struggling with this for a while.  Yeah, I've had it rough, but there are those out there who have it rougher.  When I had the flu, lost my third child, and went through a second surgery to correct a growth that shouldn't be there, I was reading Safely Home  by Randy Alcorn.  It is about a Christian in China.  It is based on fact, but is fiction to protect those who face persecution daily.  When I think about it, I've got it pretty good.  I don't face beatings or ridicule for my beliefs.  I don't fear for my family.  I have it comfortable. 

 

This weekend again, I was faced with the choice to focus on myself or glorify Jesus, my risen Savior.  I'm sorry to say, that I failed.  I chose to focus on me.  After finding out that I was pregnant with my third child, I went through a cycle of emotions and finally acceptance, then joy.  I thought we were done.  I had wanted more, but my husband did not.  He had waited too long to get the procedure done and we both miscalculated with my cycle.  The pregnancy was God's intervention.  Then in three weeks my world was turned upside down again.  Now it is Easter, Resurection Sunday, and my husband is at home recovering from his surgery.  He has been laying on the couch watching movies all weekend while I take the kiddos to Easter events and church.  I am constantly battling my emotions and frustration.  I have to forgive him and move on. 

 

I love him, and when we married, we agreed that we would work through it all.  We've faced a lot, but have remained united.  I am not going to let this end all that I have worked for.  I am in this for better or for worse.  I realize that it isn't about me.  Today is about what Jesus did for me, for him, for humanity. 

 

The world was perfect.  Look it up in Genesis.  God put Adam and Eve in charge and then Adam and Eve chose to go against the one rule God made.  A rule He made to protect them.  Ever since then the world has been full of pain and suffering.  God promised that He would send a Savior.  You can follow His plan through Genesis with Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Joseph, and the nation of Israel.   Israel was supposed to bring God to the world, but being human they could not.  Someone perfect was needed.  The story follows Israel through kings and finally brings them to occupation by Rome.  This is when Jesus is born.  He lives a perfect life.  There are 4 accounts of His sinless life, given by men who gave their lives to proclaim what they believed to be true.  At the end of His life He is crucified on a cross.  The story doesn't end there.  Three days later, Sunday, today, He rose again.  Jesus is alive now.  He conquered death.  He appeared to His disciples and many others.  Again the accounts are in the gospels.  Finally He left the earth so that He could send the Holy Spirit as a helper.  Those who accept His death as a sacrifice for their sins receive the Holy Spirit as a helper to get through life.  The Holy Spirit is kind of like your conscience but better.  He guides you toward Jesus.  He helps you become more like Him. 

 

It is the Holy Spirit who has been reminding me and helping me to forgive my husband and move beyond my hurt and frustration.  I have been blessed with two beautiful children and there will always be children in my life who will need my love.  They don't have to come from me to receive my love.  I can love them regardless.  Then why is this so hard?  I believe it is because God is still working on me.  I have not arrived.  I am so glad that it isn't up to me to earn my way to heaven, because I wouldn't make it. 

 

Jesus, thank you.  To you be the Glory.  Please continue to change my heart and make me more like You.

So I went to an allergy doctor today and had allergy testing done.  I tested for wheat, milk, potatoes, corn, and eggs.  My results showed that I was not allergic in the slightest to any of them.  I discussed this with the doctor and he said that the skin prick test was more accurate than blood testing.  He did however say that I might have a food intolerance.  He told me to weigh what I have been told and what the results showed and then make my decisions based upon what I have experienced and have facts for. 

 

Good advice, but frustrating none the less.

 

This hasn't been a completely fruitless venture.  I feel healthier and can now relate to those who truly do have food allergies/intolerances.  I think I will stick to my diet and continue to focus on losing weight. 

 

I still have some more doctor's apt.s  so I might still learn something new.

 

On a happier note.  Clara cut her first tooth yesterday.  She isn't too happy about it.  She has had a fever and has been very cuddly.  Momma is enjoying it.  She is usually a very active, don't hold me type of girl.  I'm sure she will be herself again soon.